Time to say goodbye.

“Everyone has one person in their life that no matter what they do, how much shit they put you through, or whatever, they will still always care about them; you’re that one person for me.”

Congratulations. You’ve shown your true colours, once again.

What the fuck do I actually need to do? Because I’m at the point where I feel I can’t give you any more and make my feelings any clearer.

I drive 17 miles each way just to see your face, even if sometimes that means for only 20 minutes. When have you EVER made the effort to come and see me?

I want you to know that everything I have ever done for you from buying you numerous presents, lending you money I never had any qualms about not getting back and generally going out of my way just to see you as much as I could; I would only do for the one person I wanted to build a future with.

Fuck, I even risked my strongest friendships over you.

I know that sounds scary, but that’s the point I’m at in my life.

I know I’m not the most attractive person to have ever stepped foot into your life, but I would like to think that the size of my heart and my loyalty would go a long way to making up for that. I’d like to think I’ve shown you glimpses of what I would do for you if we were to have a proper relationship as more than just friends with one another.

But like I said, I’m at a crossroads.

The more I think about it, the less direction I’ve been getting. I suppose, what I’m trying to ask is ‘are you willing to give me a chance to try and show you what we’d be capable of together?’

I’m fully aware that you may not give me the answer I’m wishing for, but as painful as that would be, eventually I’d be able to get over it. It might take weeks, months, or maybe even years but compared to right now and the pain of not knowing where I stand in your life, nothing could ever hurt as much as this does.

Or what I must do.

I must now choose my own direction and quite honestly; you’ve left me with no choice.

Intentionally, or not, you’ve destroyed my happiness piece by piece. Intentionally, or not, you’ve backed me behind barriers I thought I’d escaped from. Intentionally or not, you’ve proved me wrong every single time I’ve defended you.

It is with great sadness that I must now say goodbye and leave you in my past. All that’s left for me to do is start the trek down the path back to happiness.

<Five years; one little book of secrets.>