Why I hate Halloween.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it’s diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi !

“Halloween (or Hallowe’en) is an annual holiday observed on October 31, which commonly includes activities such as trick-or-treating, attending costume parties, carving jack-o’-lanterns (pumpkins to you and I,) bonfires, apple bobbing, visiting haunted attractions, playing pranks, telling scary stories, and watching horror films.” (Thanks Wikipedia for telling us what we already knew.)

Now, I don’t know about you, but I hate this “holiday.”

‘Why?’ I hear you ask. Well, please allow me to explain.

The main reason I hate Halloween is the sweets. It’s not that I don’t like sweets; my stomach would tell you the complete opposite, it’s the fact that I have to go to a leading supermarket brand (I use the phrase ‘leading supermarket’ because I’m not allowed to solely name Tesco, Sainsbury’s, ASDA, Lidl, Waitrose or John Lewis because of trading standards, although if I could I’d be using Tesco) it’s the fact that I have to go to a leading supermarket, spend all of my hard earned money (well it would be hard earned if someone would actually employ me; for now it’ll have to be the remains of my student loan,) buy a bucket full of sweets and chocolate and then hand them out to any old stranger or child who knocks on my door throughout the night when I could be eating them all myself.

And even though I know I have to give them away to stop the child crying on my doorstep saying how mean I am not giving them any sweets and instead demanding a trick (what can I say? If they want them, they have to earn them) I still go and buy all of my favourite (expensive) ones.

Number two; costumes. Halloween is the night of the year where school girls dress as prostitutes and prostitutes dress as schoolgirls. Hardly a good mix is it really?

Another reason I hate Halloween is that really, I’m a big fat wuss, who pees his pants every time the door bell rings on the night of October 31st.

Happy holidays!!

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