“Halloween (or Hallowe’en) is an annual holiday observed on October 31, which commonly includes activities such as trick-or-treating, attending costume parties, carving jack-o’-lanterns (pumpkins to you and I,) bonfires, apple bobbing, visiting haunted attractions, playing pranks, telling scary stories, and watching horror films.” (Thanks Wikipedia for telling us what we already knew.)
Now, I don’t know about you, but I hate this “holiday.”
‘Why?’ I hear you ask. Well, please allow me to explain.
The main reason I hate Halloween is the sweets. It’s not that I don’t like sweets; my stomach would tell you the complete opposite, it’s the fact that I have to go to a leading supermarket brand (I use the phrase ‘leading supermarket’ because I’m not allowed to solely name Tesco, Sainsbury’s, ASDA, Lidl, Waitrose or John Lewis because of trading standards, although if I could I’d be using Tesco) it’s the fact that I have to go to a leading supermarket, spend all of my hard earned money (well it would be hard earned if someone would actually employ me; for now it’ll have to be the remains of my student loan,) buy a bucket full of sweets and chocolate and then hand them out to any old stranger or child who knocks on my door throughout the night when I could be eating them all myself.
And even though I know I have to give them away to stop the child crying on my doorstep saying how mean I am not giving them any sweets and instead demanding a trick (what can I say? If they want them, they have to earn them) I still go and buy all of my favourite (expensive) ones.
Number two; costumes. Halloween is the night of the year where school girls dress as prostitutes and prostitutes dress as schoolgirls. Hardly a good mix is it really?
Another reason I hate Halloween is that really, I’m a big fat wuss, who pees his pants every time the door bell rings on the night of October 31st.
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I find if you take a Big Purple One wrapper, take the chocolate out, eat the chocolate yourself, then replace it with a nice big piece of mouldy Stilton cheese, the trick or treaters don’t tend to come back.
the whole fun of halloween is being ALLOWED to go out dressed as a prostitute and noone can tell you off!! watch Mean Girls for reference 😛
plus it’s awesome
and my house looks awesome
and getting sweets for free is awesome
and getting to eat the leftover sweets is awesome
and getting to dress up is awesome
and making a pumpkin is awesome
and looking at other people’s pumpkins is awesome
and I saw a Jack Skellington pumpkin tonight which was awesome…
need i continue? XD
I don’t think watching Mean Girls will do my reputation any good.